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Chapter 6: The Son Draws and His Friend Writes

It was late at night. Stewie was in the kitchen walking toward the fridge and opens it. He takes a quick look before grunting in annoyance.

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2. Family Guy follows Peter Griffin, an endearingly ignorant dad, and his hilariously offbeat family, Lois, Chris, Meg, Brian, and Stewie in Quahog, RI. New episodes air Sundays at 9/8c. Watch full episodes of Family Guy at FOX.com now!

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'Oh, blasted matriarch!' Stewie said irritated, 'She has failed once again to replenish this frigid box with potations. I shall give her a piece of my mind at once!' With that, Stewie slammed the fridge door.

Stewie scurried up the stairs, but slipped and hit his head on one of the stairs.

'Damn it!' Stewie exclaimed as he got back up and continued up the stairs.

Stewie then reached the door to the master bedroom and opened it.

'Now look here, you- Oh, my God!' Stewie was about to say, but stopped and exclaimed in shock.

He caught his parents having sex.

Stewie was back in the kitchen, this time with Lois, who was in a pink bathroom.

'Now you shouldn't be frightened, Stewie.' Lois said to Stewie, trying to ease his condition, 'W-What you saw was a very beautiful thing.'

'Oh, evidently, madam, you and I differ GREATLY in our conception of beauty.' Stewie said to Lois, 'This what I just witnessed was ghastlier as a thousand ghouls!' His hands were now shaking from the thought.

'Stewie, uh.. Mommies and daddies like to hug each other that way.' Lois explained, 'In fact, sweetie, that's sorta how you were created.'

'Oh! That is a vile and odious lie!' Stewie protested against Lois' statement, 'How dare you fill my head with such loathsome propaganda! Get out, you horrid woman! GET OUT!'

'Okay, honey, I'll go get your teddy bear.' Lois affectionately responded to Stewie and kissed his head, obviously oblivious to his harsh comment.

Just as Lois left the room, Tyler then entered in his pajamas.

'Hi, Stewie.' Tyler greeted Stewie, but the latter didn't respond due to obvious reasons, 'You sick or something?'

'What's the matter?' Brian came in and asked what was going on.

'I don't know.' Tyler answered, 'I was coming up here to get a glass of water and found Stewie just sitting here like he's seen a ghost or something.'

Brian took a look at Stewie to what was wrong and his eyes then widen in shock.

'Oh, good Lord.' Brian exclaimed, 'You saw them together, didn't you?'

Stewie nodded while muttering.

'Huh?' Tyler exclaimed confused.

Brian then whispered into Tyler's ear, explaining to him what it meant.

'Oh..' Tyler exclaimed in realization, but soon thought, 'Oh! OH, MY GOSH!'

'There you go.' Brian said to Tyler.

Brian then glanced at Stewie, then to Tyler and smiled while putting his arms behind his back.

'You know the tub where both of you take your baths?' Brian asked Stewie and Tyler.

They both nodded to Brian's question.

'..They've done it there, too.'

Tyler and Stewie soon exclaimed in horror after hearing it.

(A/N: Right after this, Stewie came up to me and told me about what he thought before his incident.

'I thought the wiener was just to make lemonade.' Was one of the things he told me.

Eventually, our conversation ended with him saying, 'I'm scarred..' and we've never talked about it again since, although he did ask me not to tell anyone about it. Oh, well, I'm sure he'll understand.)

Opening Credits

It seems today that all ya see

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good, old-fashioned values?

On which we used to rely

Lucky there's a Family Guy!

Lucky there's a man who positively can do

All the things that make us

Laugh n' Cry!

He's

A

Fam

-ily

Guy!

End

At a park were a group of scouts in a circle. Chris and Tyler were members, but they were by themselves and both appear to be scribbling on each respective's notebook.

The scoutmaster takes notice and walks toward them.

'What in the name of our Lord?' The scoutmaster exclaimed, 'You two are out of the semicircle! All scouts have to sit in the semicircle!'

'Why?' Chris and Tyler asked in unison.

'Why?' The scoutmaster repeated, then shouted in fury, 'WHY?!'

'Yeah, why?' Tyler replied.

'Saunders, tell them why?' The scoutmaster ordered a scout from the circle.

'Because it's Rule 142-B!-' The scout informed as he was quickly cut off the scoutmaster.

'Because it's Rule 142-B!' The scoutmaster repeated, 'Good job, scout. Now drop and give me 20!'

'Thank you, sir!' The scout quickly responded.

'Ladies, this Saturday at 0800 there will be a soapbox derby as a reward for all your hard work and obidience.' The scoutmaster informed his scouts.

'So?' Tyler then acknowledged.

'So? SO?!' The scoutmaster repeated just as before, 'Is that all you have to say to what could be the greatest moment of your life?'

'No.' Tyler answered.

'Are you trying to be a smartass with me?' The scoutmaster questioned Tyler.

'..Maybe.' Tyler responded.

The scoutmaster then walked back to the semicircle with the scouts, whom whooed from hearing the news.

Tyler turned to Chris and saw that he was doing something.

'Watcha drawin', Chris?' Tyler asked Chris.

Chris then showed Tyler a drawing of the scoutmaster mooning his rear with his face on it.

'Ahahaha! That's funny!' Tyler said after seeing the drawing.

Chris looked at the notepad Tyler had on his lap.

'What are you doing with that?' Chris asked Tyler pointed at the notepad.

'Oh, this?' Tyler asked, 'Eh, it's just writing.'

'Can I read it?' Chris asked Tyler again.

'Well, it's not finished yet.' Tyler informed Chris, 'But, I guess you can some of it so far.' Tyler handed the notepad to Chris and he begins reading it.

'Hey, this is pretty cool!' Chris praised Tyler's writing.

'Yeah, I've been working on it for a while.' Tyler said.

'I hope this becomes a book.' Chris exclaimed.

'It could, but I doubt it will.' Tyler shrugged.

'Why?' Chris asked in the same tone as he and Tyler said to the scoutmaster, which irritated Tyler.

'..Not funny, Chris.' Tyler said to Chris.

'Not funny what?' Chris asked Tyler as though he were serious.

The next day at the Griffin's house, the family (except Peter) was watching Happy Days.

'Mom, dad, I really like Potsie.' Richie said to his parents, who were having breakfast.

'Why not, dear?' His mother asked, 'Potsie's a very nice boy.'

'Uh, no, mom.' Richie informed her, 'I-I mean, I REALLY like Potsie.'

'We heard you the first time, son.' Mr. Cunningham, Richie's father said, 'You have a homosexual attraction to Potsie.'

Cuts back to the Griffins.

'You have anything on that remote lower than mute?' Brian asked determined to not hear anymore from the TV.

'I do!' Tyler answered as he pulled out one of the Chaos Emeralds, his eyes began shining red and his hair began waving around, 'CHAOS-'

But before Tyler could use Chaos Blast at the TV, Peter walked in.

'I got a surprise for and Tyler, Chris.' Peter informed Chris as he turned to what was on TV, 'Oh, uh, geez, It'll have to wait.' Peter pulls Tyler down on the couch, stopping his attempt, 'Watch this. This is one where the Fonz goes 'Ay!'

It then showed Fonzie on the TV, does in deed says 'Ay!'

'Hahaha, in your face, 1950s!' Tyler acknowledged, 'And people said they weren't funny back then.'

'Yeah.' Peter agreed, 'Okay, let's go.' Peter then dragged Tyler and Chris out of the living room.

In the garage, Peter unveiled two draped objects on the floor and they were revealed to be go-karts.

'Chris, Tyler.' Peter said to both Tyler and Chris, 'These are the speed machines that are gonna win one of you the soapbox derby.'

'But, Mr. Griffin.' Tyler said to Peter, 'We were supposed to built our own carts ourselves.'

'Yeah, it's a rule.' Chris agreed.

'Aw, come on.' Peter exclaimed, 'Rules were made to be broken.'

'Are you sure about that, Mr. Griffin?' Tyler asked Peter.

'Absolutely.' Peter assured Tyler.

'Okay. Name one time.' Tyler challenged Peter.

Cutaway #1

Peter was standing near a red button on a wall behind him with a sign above it reading 'DO NOT PUSH BUTTON.' After glancing it a few times, he pushes the button and, as if on cue, an Asian man in martial arts attire walked up to Peter. He gave a greeting bow before swift-kicking Peter to the side, knocking him out on the floor. The Asian man soon walks away.

End

'Here, let me show you two the turbo booster.' Peter told Tyler and Chris as they were sitting by both drawing and writing.

'Uh, dad.' Chris said to Peter, 'What'd you say I told you me and Tyler both didn't want to be in the Scouts?'

'I'd say 'come again'?' Peter told Chris, 'And then I'd laugh 'cause I said 'come.'

'And that's funny how?' Tyler asked about Peter's response.

'Uh..' Peter said before shrugging it off, 'I'll tell you some other time. But, anyway, thank God that's not the case, eh? You're scouts and you know what that means? That means I love ya. Both of ya.'

Tyler and Chris then groan in unease.

Later, it showed John in the basement playing Galaga on his NES. He was at his last ship and seemed to be on a winning streak so far. Unfortunately, however..

'Hey, J-ma-' Tyler said but got shortly cutoff.

'AH!' John exclaimed in surprise as his ship in the game was then hit by the enemy bugs, causing him to lose.

'Aw, dang it, Tyler!' John said at Tyler, 'What do you want?'

It then cut to Chris outside a door when Tyler came up to him with John.

'Okay, Chris. I got him over here.' Tyler told Chris.

'What are we doing here?' John asked Tyler.

'You'll see.' Tyler told John as he opened the door revealing to be Meg's room, whom was busy brushing her hair with her hat off.

'Meg's room?' John exclaimed in surprise, 'I thought you said you needed me for something.'

'Chris, get out of here!' Meg ordered Chris, 'You guys are not allowed in my room.'

'Oh, come on.' John protested at Meg's order, 'It's not like you were naked or something. Plus, even if you were, you'd probably cover up your head with that hat of yours rather than cover up the rest of you.'

Meg's jaw dropped wide after she heard him say that, while Tyler and Chris just stare at him in shock.

'GET OUT!' Meg said from in her room as John was thrown out by force and landed on the floor. Meg shut the door behind her and turned to Chris and Tyler.

'Okay.' Meg said, 'What do you two want?'

'Well, I was hoping to talk about this with J-man.' Tyler said to Meg, 'But, due to certain reasons, me and Chris are gonna talk to you instead.'

'Again. What do you want?' Meg repeated.

'Meg, Chris and I don't want to be in the Scouts anymore.' Tyler explained to Meg as he and Chris then sat on the bed, 'Chris just wants to draw and I just want to write.'

'Yeah, we were kinda hoping you and John could tell dad.' Chris said, 'But, uh.. Try and open with a joke.'

'Tell him yourselves.' Meg told Chris and Tyler.

'We can't.' Tyler told her, 'We don't want to disappoint him.'

'Yeah, you remember what happened when he tried to sneak me in the county fair?' Chris reminded Meg.

Cutaway #2

It showed the inside of a ticket booth, where Peter came up disguised as a horse hoping to sneak Chris into the fair.

'Uh, one, please.' Peter said to the ticket vendor.

Unfortunately, Chris soon sneezed, who was the back, blowing their cover.

'Wait a second, your ass just sneezed! And horses can't talk!' The ticket vendor acknowledged in realization, 'No, no, no, no, no, no, nothing about this adds up at all!'

Peter then groaned in irritance.

End

Meg sighed seeing what Chris meant.

'Okay, look.' Meg said to Chris and Tyler, 'Dad is really easy. All you two have to do is sit on his lap, give him a BIG kiss on the cheek, look him RIGHT in the eye, and he's butter.'

'Maybe that's how you'll get into college. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.' John acknowledged at the door.

'Get out!' Meg shouted at John again whilst throwing her hairbrush at him.

'Ow! Okay, okay, I'll get out!' John said as he immediately left the room.

We now see Peter watching TV on the couch. Tyler and Chris walk up and jump on his lap.

'Oooof, what the hell?' Peter exclaimed being caught off-guard.

'Mr. Griffin, the Scouts aren't fun and-' Tyler was about to say to Peter.

'Wait, Tyler, you forgot the-' Chris told Tyler.

'Oh, yeah. Right.' Tyler said as he and Chris kissed his cheek.

'Guys. I am going to stand up..' Peter informed Chris and Tyler, 'Walk out of this room. And we will never speak of this again.'

'But we did speak of this-' Tyler was about to say.

'We never speak of this again. Okay?' Peter asked Tyler.

'Okay.' Tyler said as he and Chris got off Peter, who got up and walked away without a word. After a moment, Tyler then realized, 'It didn't work, did it?'

'No.' Chris answered moaningly.

The following week, the soapbox derby had arrived, where even Speed Racer was one of the racers.

'Speed, I do not think you should be in this race! Ha-ha!' Speed's father, Pops, said to him in animation to that of their show as the racer hopped out of his car and did his signature pose, 'The Mach 5 is not ready! Ha-ha!'

'But, Pops, I must be in this race! Ha-ha!' Speed said to Pops, also in the same format of their show.

'Very well, uh-ruh. But, you know, I am not really your father! Ha-ha!' The father confessed to Speed, who awed in disappointment after hearing it.

Chris and Tyler were already in their cars and turned to their right to see Peter holding up a sign that read 'Kick Ass or Don't Come Home.'

'What?' Tyler exclaimed.

Then it panned to Lois and the family on the left with Lois holding up another sign that read 'Oh, he's just teasing.' It was then revealed to be a three-panel sign as it folded to another card that read 'You know how your father/Mr. Griffin gets.' Then it folded to yet another card reading 'We both love you two very much' before ending with 'No matter what happens.' on the last card.

The Scoutmaster then stepped in to start the race.

'Okay, girls.' The Scoutmaster told his scouts, 'Get ready..'

The scouts started making noises to make it sound like their cars were revving engines. Chris was doing a little drawing before the race started and the same kinda went for Tyler as he wrote a little on his notepad.

'..get set..' The Scoutmaster said.

'Please, uh, uh..' Peter said as he snapped his fingers a few times to figure out the right word, 'Uh, God, I don't ask you for much, but let my boy and Tyler win this race.'

'Do not go until I wave my flag, I can't stress that enough.' The Scoutmaster informed the racers, 'I'll wave it once just to show you how it looks.' He then waved it to show what it would look like.

'There it goes!' Tyler acknowledged believing that the race was starting and turned to Chris, 'Go, Chris! GO!'

Chris then started his car, but the wheel broke off and begun to roll off the hill on its own. Tyler tries to help by grabbing the edge of Chris' car, but gets pulled along with him.

'Look out!' Tyler and Chris warned as their vehicles were rolling toward the Scoutmaster.

'Griffins are disqualified.' The Scoutmaster announced as he was running for his life, 'Griffins are disqualified.' His foot gets caught on the back bumper of Chris' car and gets dragged behind it as it kept rolling downhill.

Later at the Quahog Community Center, Peter was with the Scoutmaster talking about Chris and Tyler.

'Your boys are out of the scouts!' The Scoutmaster, who had a few band-aids on his face and his uniform was a bit tattered, informed Peter. Chris and Tyler were also with them.

'Geez, who died and made YOU President Nixon?' Peter said to the Scoutmaster.

'Mr. Griffin, Nixon was president of the 70s..' Tyler corrected Peter, 'Or was it the 80s? I don't know about the presidents, so don't judge me!'

'Look, it's been two years for your son and only a few weeks for his friend!' The Scoutmaster informed Peter, 'Not one of those idiots has earned a single merit badge. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to administer some spankings.'

'Aw, come on. Give them a little more time, huh?' Peter begged to the Scoutmaster.

'Alright! Alright!' The Scoutmaster responded, 'You got three days to earn a badge!'

'Three days? That's tomorrow!' Peter acknowledged, 'We gotta get goin'!'

Later, it was now dinnertime.

'Stewie, look what mommy made for desert.' Lois said to Stewie as she placed a bowl of red gelatin on his high-chair.

'Oh, Jell-O. How exotic!' Stewie said sarcastically, 'Why I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE II.'

'Who?' Tyler asked in confusion.

'..imbecile.' Stewie sighed.

'Uh, me, Chris and Tyler will take ours to go.' Peter told Lois, 'We only got one more night to get that badge.'

Chris and Tyler looked at John and Meg, who both nodded to Chris and Tyler to inform them that now is a good time to tell Peter.

'Uh, dad, maybe we should just give up.' Chris said to Peter.

'Yeah, we tried everything.' Tyler joined Chris.

'Well, we almost got that one for insect study.' Peter pointed out.

'I don't see how.' Tyler said.

Cutaway #3

Peter, Chris and Tyler were behind what appeared to be bushes.

'Look, guys.' Peter said to Chris and Tyler, 'It's a whole family of WASPs.'

It then panned to the left of the camera where it revealed to actually be the interior of a house with a WASP family. They were eating dinner acting very calm and relaxed.

'My, Margaret.' The father said to his wife, 'What a sub-par ham.'

The wife's eyes widened in surprise after hearing her husband.

'Perhaps I can't bake a ham.' Margaret said, 'But what I can cook up is a little grace and civility at the table.'

The husband was now the one having a shocked look on his face.

'Patty, did you know that your mother is a whore?' The husband asked the daughter at the right end of the table, where the man's question made the wife's eyes widen in shock once again.

End

The next day, Peter and Lois were sitting on the couch and talking about Chris and Tyler's position in the scouts.

'Peter, I think it's great that you, Chris and Tyler've been spending so much time together. ' Lois said to Peter, 'But there the ones who should be earning those badges.'

'Hey, where do you get off telling me how to raise my son and helping out one of my friends?' Peter protested at Lois, but soon realized, 'Oh. Oh, right. Heh, okay. We'll try it your way.. honey.' Peter then gave a nervous chuckle hoping she would buy his words.

Later that same day, Chris and Tyler have gotten back home.

'Hey! There's my scouts!' Peter acknowledged at Tyler and Chris' arrival.

'Well, not anymore, dad.' Chris informed Peter, 'We're out.'

'And THANK GOODNESS!' Tyler praised.

'They made us turn in our uniforms and everything.' Chris explained.

'Wha-?! Those bastards!' Peter exclaimed, 'Don't you worry, boys. I'll get you both back in!' He then approached the phone.

'Uh, it's okay, dad.' Chris said trying to stop Peter, 'We're not really-'

'Ugh, ugh, ugh, hey, don't take no for an answer, guys.' Peter told Chris and Tyler, 'You're Griffins, including you, Tyler. And a Griffin never knows when to stop.'

Cutaway #4

Peter was dressed as a surgeon and was trying to jumpstart a patient back to life.

'Clear!' Peter announced as he jumpstarted the patient's heart.

'Clear!' Peter repeated and jumpstarted the patient again.

'Clear!' Peter repeated a second and repeated the process when the patient soon opened his eyes and gained conscienceness.

'Y-You saved my life, doctor-' The patient thanked Peter.

'Clear!' Peter repeated before and accidentally shocked the patient out.

End

'I'm calling that damn troop leader right now.' Peter said, 'We're going over his head. Straight to the scout head office in New York.' He then picked up the phone and dialed the number.

'Pack your bags, you guys!' Peter announced, 'The Griffins are hitting the Big Apple!'

'Yay, New York!' Tyler cheered, until Chris gave him an angry look, '..oh, wait, that's right.'

They then left and the window revealed Speed and Pops again, this time acknowledging the Griffins' trip.

'Ha-ha! Did you hear?' Speed asked Pops, 'The Griffins are going to New York! Ha-ha!'

'This does not affect us at all. Ha-ha!' Pops noted.

Speed gave out another 'Ha-ha!' for no reason.

Later, the Griffins were packing their cases into the car.

'I can't believe we're actually going to New York.' Meg acknowledged at what was going on.

'I can't believe your dad is determined to go this far just to get Chris and Tyler back in the scouts.' John acknowledged also.

'Uh, dad, you don't really have to do this.' Chris assured Peter.

'Yes, I do.' Peter reassured Chris, 'No boys of mine are gonna get booted out of the scouts.' Peter then raised his hand for a high-five.

Chris and Tyler then high-five him back in disappointment.

In the car, Lois was strapping Stewie in his seat.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' Stewie demanded at Lois.

'Strapping you in, honey, so you don't get hurt.' Lois informed Stewie.

'So I don't get hurt.' Stewie repeated, 'That's the best you can come up with, you dull-witted termagant?'

'I brought your Raffi tape.' Lois said. Stewie stood there quiet for a few seconds.

'Play Wheels on the Bus and get the hell out of my sight.' Stewie ordered Lois with his arms crossed.

As everyone was almost ready to leave, Tyler then did a quick calculation at the number of passengers and realized only one was missing. Tyler was about to alert Peter when..

'Where's Brian?' Meg wondered as she noticed Brian wasn't with them and also interrupting Tyler.

Tyler then pouted in irritation from being interrupted.

Brian was sitting in a lounge chair on the lawn reading.

'Hey, aren't you coming?' Peter asked Brian.

'Uh, thanks, but no thanks. I've been to New York.' Brian said, 'It's like Prague sans the whimsy.'

'Gesundheit.' Tyler said.

'You got that right.' John said.

'Will you be okay by yourself?' Lois asked Brian.

'Oh, I think I'll manage.' Brian assured her as he swished his martini.

'Alright, you guys, we're off!' Peter said to the family, 'Those scouts are never gonna know what hit 'em.'

Peter backed up and accidentally hit another car from behind.

'What about that car?' Tyler asked.

'I've a feeling it, too.' John pointed.

They drive off down the road leaving the wrecked car behind. Later, the Griffins are now playing a guessing game.

'Okay, I'm thinking of a movie.' Lois told everyone.

'Is it an action movie?' Meg guessed.

'No.' Lois answered.

'Uh, is it a musical?' Chris guessed.

'No.' Lois repeated her previous answer.

'Is it a horror movie?' Tyler guessed.

'No.' Lois repeated a second time.

'Dang it!' Tyler exclaimed.

'Adventure?' John guessed.

'No.' Lois repeated.

'Uh, is it a good movie?' Peter guessed.

'Eh, it has it's moments.' Lois said.

'Cool Runnings.' Peter answered.

Family Guy Peter

'Right!' Lois said.

Back at the Griffin house, Brian was watching TV on the couch. The program he was watching was Nova on PBS. On the screen was a scientist with a small dog beside him.

'After years of study, I've discovered the secret to longer life in canines.' The scientist shown on the television said, which got Brian interested as he leaned in close to hear what the researcher had to say, 'And that secret is-'

'We interrupt this program for a seven-hour marathon of One Day at a Time.' An announcer on the TV explained out of nowhere, leaving Brian jaw-dropped dumbfounded.

It then cut to the middle of an episode of said show.

'Damn it, Julie.' 'I'm a single mother doing the best job she knows how!'

'And damn it, Schneider!' said as she turned to and pointed at Scheider, 'I asked you to fix the sink two days ago!'

'Oh, I'll fix your fix your sink, Miss Romano.' Schneider said to Romano, 'And by 'fix your sink,' I mean I'll have sex with you.'

Brian picked up the remote and tried to change the channel, but the remote wasn't working.

'And by 'have sex with you,' I mean I'll fix your sink.' Schneider continued from on the TV.

Brian then decided to turn the dial on the TV to change the channel.

'And by 'sink,' I mean your reproductive organ.' Schneider continued.

Brian turned the dial, but soon came off. Brian tried the other one and that fell off, too.

'And by 'reproductive organ,' I mean the thing between your knees.' Schneider continued further.

It was then that Brian decided to unplug the TV, but it was somehow stuck.

'And by 'the thing between your knees,' I.. Well, I guess that one's kind of self-explanatory.' Schneider finally ended his statement.

Brian continued tugging the cord until it finally came out, but, much to Brian's surprise, the TV was still on, which he then fainted to the floor.

Meanwhile, the Griffins were still driving to New York, but they didn't seem to be making any progress.

'Peter, we're lost.' Lois informed Peter, 'Would you please find some place to ask for directions?'

'We are not lost.' Peter assured Lois, 'And even if we were, y-you know I can't ask another human being for directions.'

'Okay, I'll bite.' Tyler said, 'Why?'

'Because I'm a man. And you're one, too.' Peter asnwered Tyler, 'Geez, haven't either one of you ever seen a stand-up comedian?'

'Yes.' Tyler replied.

'Really, like who?' Peter asked Tyler.

'Robin Williams.' Tyler said.

'Oh, yeah. Heh, he' pretty good.' Peter acknowledged.

'Dad, maybe we should go home.' Chris insisted.

'No way, son.' Peter said to Chris, 'We came here to get you and Tyler back into the scouts and that's exactly what we're gonna do.'

Suddenly, Peter's stomache began to gurgle.

'What was that?' Lois asked.

'Nothing.' Peter lied.

Peter's stomache soon gurgled again.

'There it is again.' Tyler exclaimed.

'Peter, the car is making funny noises.' Lois told Peter.

'Oh-ho, you're wrong again, Lois. That wasn't the car.' Peter said, 'Although you were right about that prune smoothie.'

'Are you okay?' Lois asked Peter concerned.

'Oh, I'll be fine.' Peter assured her, 'I-I just have to concentrate on driving.'

'Look, Mr. Griffin!' Tyler informed Peter.

'What?' Peter asked Tyler.

'A dump next door!' Tyler pointed out as a sign reading 'DUMP NEXT LEFT.'

'Tyler.' Peter angrily muttered.

'Look, a 'WIDE LOAD'!' Tyler pointed out again as he spotted a truck hulling portable bathrooms.

'Quit it!' Peter warned Tyler.

'Look, an 'ALL STOOLS MUST GO!' sale!' Tyler pointed out again as they passed a building with stools placed outside. Peter groaned more in pain.

A car then came up in front of them.

'Look, an 'I heart my Shin Tzu' bumper sticker!' Tyler pointed out again.

'That's it, Tyler.' Peter said to Tyler, 'I swear to God, if you make one more joke another my current situation right now, I'll pull this car over and use YOU as a toilet!'

'I'll stop..' Tyler quickly remarked.

Peter, however, ran into a sign that read 'ONLY 15 MILES TO BOB'S HOUSE OF FECES.'

'Oh, come on!' Peter exclaimed, 'That one's not even real.'

'What about that one?' Tyler pointed to a sign that read 'CRAPS, CRAPS, CRAPS..'

'Oh, God!' Peter exclaimed in pressure, 'We gotta stop!'

Peter pulled into the parking lot of a casino called 'Geronimo's Palace.'

'Wow!' Meg exclaimed in amazement as everyone got out, 'An Indian casino!'

'Yeah, I gotta find me the stink lodge!' Peter said as he dashed inside.

'No, don't use me as a toilet!' Tyler pleaded to Peter, but realized Peter left, 'Oh, thank you, God!'

'Come on, you guys.' Peter quickly said, 'No time to lose!' he rushed to the nearest bathroom, which was upstairs.

'Hold it.' Peter said to himself trying to not defecate his pants as he got on the escalator, 'Hold it! Hold it!' He then repeatedly squatted for about a few minutes.

'Ho. And welcome to our casino, palefaces.' An animatronic Native American chief told the people going up the escalator, 'Feel free to visit gift shop in lobby and restaurant on second floor.'

'Do you have reservations?' Another animatronic Native asked the other animatroic.

'Only about the veal!' The chief said as he and the other machine laughed at the joke.

'Oh, geez, this is gonna be a photo finish, Lois!' Peter remarked.

'Go for it!' Tyler rooted to Peter as the latter dashed off to the mens' restroom.

'I'm going to ask someone for directions.' Lois said to the kids, 'Meg, watch Stewie.' She placed Stewie down at Meg's side and went into a room filled with video poker monitors.

'Excuse me.' Lois asked one of the casino's employees, 'Can you tell me how to get to New York?'

'Well, sure.' The employee said, 'But what's your hurry, ma'am? Don't you want to play a little first?'

'Heh, thank you.' Lois chuckled, 'But I really don't approve of, heh heh, you know, gambling.'

'Well, technically, it's not really gambling.' The employee corrected Lois, 'It's just us trying to rebuild our shattered culture after you raped our land and defiled our woman.'

'Well, as long as you're not using it for firewater.' Lois said in agreement as she took a coin out of her coin purse and put it in the slot.

Meanwhile, Stewie, John and Tyler noticed a show for a performer called Carrot Top. They decide to enter and watch the show.

'Look, a bow tie.' Carrot Top announced trying to get the audience to laugh. Unfortunately, no one laughed.

'Really?' Tyler exclaimed at the bad joke.

Carrot Top was then using a tip from the bow as a microphone and sang from it high-pitched.

'Hey, I'm David Bowie.' Carrot Top announced.

Again, no one laughed.

'Wow. Bo Derek.' Carrot Top said again after placing a lampshade on top of one of the tips of the bow, when suddenly tomahawks were thrown at his direction, missing of course.

'Oh, very funny!' Stewie sarcastically praised the comedian as he was the one who was throwing the tomahawks at him, 'Now tell the one that doesn't suck!'

The spotlight then went over to Stewie and got the audience to laugh.

'Oh, thank you. Thank you.' Stewie said to everyone, 'Yes, yes, and what's the deal with airline food?'

'Oh, no.' John remarked.

Back in the bathroom, Peter was finished doing his business. He then washed his and dried them off from the towel of another employee.

'Hey, thanks, uh.. 'Watches You Pee.' Peter thanked the man as he exited the bathroom.

He then finds the kids, who were still waiting for Lois.

'Hey, where's your mother?' Peter asked the kids.

'Over there.' Chris said pointing him to where Lois is.

Lois was still playing the digital poker monitor from earlier.

'Hey, I didn't know you knew how to play poker, Lois.' Peter acknowledged to Lois.

'Yeah.' Lois bluntly said, clearly hooked.

'How you doing?' Peter asked her.

'Yeah.' Lois answered.

'That's good, honey. Now let's go.' Peter said to Lois.

'Yeah.' Lois bluntly said.

Peter now tried to pull Lois away from the game, but she held on tight. He yanked her a few times until he finally got her loose.

'It's funny.' Lois remarked as she and everyone else exited the building, 'I-I never knew video poker could be so much fun. You win a few hands and all those lights go off and you just feel so good inside.'

'And you die a little inside, too.' Tyler said.

'Yeah, gambling is great.' Peter said, 'No question about it.'

'It felt so good, I just-I kept putting my money in and before I knew it, I lost $40.' Lois confessed, 'I'm so embarassed.'

'Aw, that's okay, honey.' Peter assured to Lois, 'As long as you learned your lesson.'

'Oh, I did, Peter.' Lois told Peter, 'F-For a couple of minutes. Then.. This is so silly, I started playing again.'

'Geez, I could swear I parked here.' Peter acknowledged to where he thought the car was.

'Yeah, you did.' Lois assured Peter, 'Bu-But here's the really silly thing, Peter. I sort of bet our car.'

This made Peter to exclaim in anger.

'Okay, I'm not going to panic.' Peter said to himself, 'I just need to go back into and find a high roller who'll pay a $1 million to sleep with my wife.'

'What?' Lois exclaimed in disbelief, 'That's ridiculous!'

'Come on, Lois. These people took $24 for the island of Manhatten.' Peter pointed out to Lois, 'They have no idea what things are worth!'

'Mr. Griffin, that was Mexico.' Tyler corrected Peter.

'That was Mexico?' Peter asked.

'Yes.' Tyler answered.

'Oh..' Peter said.

Later, everyone was in a reserved room. On the bed, Chris was busy drawing and Tyler was busy writing.

'Nice going, mom.' Meg said to Lois, 'I finally get my driver's license and you lose the car to a poker machine? How ironic.'

'Tell me about it.' John remarked.

'Hey, hey, hey, don't talk about your mother that way.' Peter told Meg, 'She is not an iron. Now, come on. We gotta figure out a way to get to New York and Chris and Tyler back into the scouts.'

'But, uh, dad-' Chris tried to tell Peter.

'Hey, I got it.' Peter acknowledged, 'I'll-I'll just get Brian to wire us some money.' Peter called their house number.

'Wonder what Brian's doing over there?' Tyler wondered.

At the Griffins' house, Brian was now enjoying One Day at a Time, where there was scattered papers, trash and even some empty martini glasses. The phone rang, but Brian was too busy with his show.

'Damn it, Julie!' Romano said to Julie, 'I am not shacking up with my boyfriend. I am just going away for the weekend.'

'Yeah.' Schneider appeared and said to her, 'All the way.'

Brian hooted at Schneider's response, 'Oh, damn, Schneider! What won't you say?'

Back at the room at the casino, Peter was upset to get no answer and hung up.

'No answer at the house.' Peter announced, 'You didn't bet that, too, did ya?'

'Probably.' Tyler said.

'Oh, I'm sorry, Peter.' Lois apologized to Peter, 'I feel so foolish. It just seemed like such a good cause. Everyone in the tribe gets a share in the casino's profits.'

'What did you just say?' Peter asked Lois.

'I'm sorry, Peter'.' Lois repeated.

'After that.' Peter told Lois.

'I feel so foolish?' Lois repeated again.

'After that.' Peter repeated.

'Casino's profits?' Lois repeated.

'Before that.' Peter said.

'Everyone in the whole tribe?' Lois repeated.

'Now the whole thing.' Peter told her.

'Everyone in the tribe gets a share in the casino's profits?' Lois repeated, which was what Peter wanted to hear.

'That's it!' Peter cheered as he grabbed Lois by her forearm, 'Let's go!'

In the manager's office, Peter was trying to convince the manager to give him back his car.

'I'm sorry to hear about your, uh, 'misfortune.' The manager said to Peter and Lois, 'But we're not allowed to return gambling losses.'

https://cowomg.netlify.app/top-ten-online-casino-sites.html. 'Well, I think you can make an exception in our case, Lenny.' Peter said to the manager, 'See, uh, I'm an Indian, too.'

'scuse me?' Lois and the casino manager said in unison at Peter's statement.

'You heard me, I'm a member of your tribe.' Peter told the manager, 'And that entitles me to a share of your wampum, kemosabe.'

'Whoawhoawhoa, wait a second, not so fast.' The manager shrugged Peter's request, 'Tell me of your history, of your, uh.. of your past.'

'Oh, I come from a long line of, of y-you people.' Peter said, 'My greatgrandfather's name was-was Jeep Grand Cherokee.'

The manager didn't look convinced.

'Uh. I mean, Chief Grand Cherokee.' Peter corrected his statement, 'He was a rainmaker.'

It then flashed back to a Native American resembling that of Peter. He was making a Native chant.

'I'm so happy doing the Neutron dance.' Chief Grand Cherokee sang.

He continued doing the chant.

'I'm just burning doing the Neutron dance.' Chief Grand Cherokee continued singing.

It then cut back to Peter in the manager's office.

'And he also killed a bunch of Krauts at Wounded Knee.' Peter claimed, 'So are you gonna give me back my car, or what?'

'Hm. I'll have to confer with the Council of the Elders.' The manager said to Peter, 'You wait right here.' He got up from his chair and left.

'Are you nuts, Peter?' Lois said to Peter, 'You'll never get away with this.'

'Why not? I've fooled people before.' Peter said to Lois, 'Uh, y-y-you remember that time I pretended to be gay?'

Cutaway #5

It showed Peter simply watching Caroline in the City.

End

'Peter, there is no way they're gonna believe you're an Indian.' Lois warned Peter.

It then showed the Council of the Elders with the manager along with them.

'He's an Indian, alright.' One of the members proclaimed.

'How do you know?' The manager asked the man.

'I can tell.' The member simply stated.

'Oh, you think everyone's an Indian.' The manager told him, 'He could just be another mooch trying to get a cut of our profits.'

'Maybe we can put him through some sort of test, you know.' Another of the members suggested, 'Like a really impossible stunt to prove he's the real deal.'

'Hey, way to think outside the bow, Frank.' The manager praised his friend's scheme.

It then cut to Peter and Lois now with the council.

'To prove you are truly a member of our tribe, you must go on a vision quest.' The manager told Peter.

Peter just stared blankly at the manager.

'Do you know what a vision quest is?' The manager asked Peter.

'Why, eh, of course I do. I'm an Indian.' Peter answered hoping to convince them, 'But, uh, why don't you explain it to my wife. She's a little slow in the head.'

Lois showed a look of irritation at Peter.

'A vision quest is a sacred spiritual journey.' The manager explained, 'Your husband must go out in the wilderness without food or water.'

'Or shoes.' Frank quickly said.

'Y-Yeah, or shoes.' The manager said, too, 'He must remain there until he can communicate with nature. He must hear the wisdom of the rocks and trees and then his guiding spirit must appear to him and reveal a great personal truth. And it's gotta be a real vision. We're Indians. We're gonna know if he's lying.' He and the elders then started howling ominous noises, causing Peter and Lois to back away and leave frightened. When they were gone, the elders immediately at the success of their plan.

'Sucker.' The manager muttered.

The Griffins were outside the casino where Peter was about to start his vision quest.

'Peter, please don't do this.' Lois pleaded to Peter, 'We can buy another car. I-I'll give extra piano lessons on Sundays.'

'Come on, Lois, all I gotta do is have a spiritual vision.' Peter told Lois, 'I mean, Tyler had one before we left.'

It flashed back to the morning of the day before the Griffins left for New York. It had Tyler eating cereal and Brian reading the paper as usual.

'Oh, my gosh, Brian.' Tyler exclaimed to Brian, 'There's a message in my Alpha Bits. And it says 'Ooooo.'

'Tyler, those are Cheerios.' Brian informed Tyler.

'Way to kill the joke, Brian.' Tyler said to Brian frustratedly.

It then flashed back to present day.

'You must begin your journey now.' The manager told Peter after walking up to him.

'Now's your chance to be alone with dad.' Meg informed Chris and Tyler.

'Yeah. Go over there and get it over with already.' John insisted.

'Are you guys nuts?' Chris said to Meg and John, 'We aren't attracted to dad.'

'Tell him you don't want to be in scouts.' Meg and John corrected in unison.

'Oh, go talk to him.' Tyler realized, 'That makes more sense.'

'Yeah, thanks, Meg. Thanks, John.' Chris said.

Tyler and Chris soon walked over to Peter to tell him.

'Uh, you know, I think I better go with them just so they'll be safe.' John acknowldged to Meg as he went to their direction.

'Yipes.' Meg said.

'Hey-Hey, dad, uh, can-can we come?' Chris asked Peter.

'Hey, how about it, Lenny?' Peter asked the casino manager.

'Ey, what the hey? The more the merrier.' He said, 'Now get the hell outta here, you nut, and go have yourself a spiritual vision.'

Peter, Chris, John and Tyler then went off in the woods. After awhile, they were starting to get tired.

'Oh, water!' Peter claimed as he found a riverbed, 'Thank God!'

'Dad, I'm hungry.' Chris complained to Peter, who was busy trying to drink the river water.

'Me, too.' Tyler agreed, 'Are we gonna die?'

'Of course not.' Peter assured Tyler, 'This isn't the first time I've had to find my own food in the wild.'

Cutaway #6

It showed a girl resembling Little Red Riding Hood strolling through the woods. Suddenly, Peter jumped out from the bushes in a wolf costume, surprising and scaring the girl. She dropped her basket and ran away.

'Hehehehehe, dumb broad.' Peter remarked at the cowardly girl, until in surprise a real wolf appeared out of nowhere and attacked Peter.

End

Later, it was now night and Peter and the boys hadn't returned yet. Lois was starting to get worried.

'They've been gone for over 6 hours.' Lois informed the casino manager, 'How long do these vision quests usually take?'

'Huh?' The casino manager exclaimed in confusion to Lois's question, 'Well, you know, uh, it varies. You know, it depends on the person's age, a-a-and height.. a-and sign.'

'You have no idea, do you?' Lois said.

'Of course, I, I ,I.. No.' The manager answered.

'Well, then, why would you send my husband and son and their friends out into the wilderness without any food or supplies?' Lois asked demandedly to the manager.

'Cause, uh, we really like your car?' The manager answered.

Lois simply sighed in fear that her husband, son and John and Tyler were probably never coming back as she approached the window. Meg placed her hand behind Lois to comfort her mother.

'They're dead, you know.' Stewie said to Lois and Meg.

Meanwhile, deep in the woods, Peter was walking around the bonfire from lack of food, while the boys were asleep.

'Must eat. Haven't snacked in hours.' Peter said to himself, 'Can't feel my eyes. Wonder if club-footed midgets get justice in Heaven.'

'Hot enough for ya?' An unfamiliar voice from out of nowhere asked Peter.

'Wha-What?' Peter exclaimed in confusion.

'I say, 'Hot enough for ya?' The voice said again revealed to be a talking tree.

'Uh. Yeah, I guess.' Peter answered, 'Oh, my God! I'm-I'm communicating with nature! Uh-Uh, hey, um, uh, tree, if-if one of you falls and there's no one around, do-do you make a noise?'

'Are you kidding?' The tree asked, 'Scott fell last week. He hasn't shut up about it since.'

'Sure. Stand there and bitch!' The tree presumably Scott said to the tree Peter was talking to, 'But would any of you take the time to HELP ME?!'

'Oh. Oh, I'm playing the world's smallest violin, Scott.' Another tree behind Scott taunted him rubbing two twigs on his branch.

'Ay! Yo, Griffin!' A voice sounding that of Fonzie from Happy Days said to Peter from above.

Peter looked up the sky and saw the clouds formed until an image of Fonzie appeared.

'The Fonz!' Peter exclaimed.

'Ay!' Fonzie exclaimed also.

'What are you doing here?' Peter asked Fonzie, 'Shouldn't you be in the middle of a Tuscadero sandwich?'

'Yeah. But I'm also your spiritual guide, see?' Fonzie told Peter, 'And I wanna lay a personal truth on ya. Now, Mr. C was a father to me and he always listened, you know? And Griffin, right now, your son needs you to listen to him. Whoa!'

'Wait, what about Tyler?' Peter asked Fonzie again, 'He's not my son.'

'Maybe not, but still, you consider him and John as two of your own.'

'Really? Uh, gee, I never really thought of it that way.' Peter asked in realization, 'Uh, sure, whatever you say, heh. Um, Fonzie. There's something I always wanted to ask ya. Y-You were with a lot of girls. Did-Did you ever get a sexual disease?'

'Eh, herpes twice.' Fonzie answered, 'Oh, and the clap. Oh, and there's one more thing I want to say to you before I go.'

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'What's that?' Peter asked.

'Ay!' Fonzie exclaimed as he faded away.

Chris and Tyler soon woke up a second after Fonzie disappeared.

'Um, hey, dad?' Chris asked Peter, 'Can me and Tyler talked to you?'

'Not now, son-' Peter said to Chris before realizing, 'Oh, uh, sure. Uh, go right ahead.'

'We don't want to be scouts, dad.' Chris confessed to Peter. Without realizing, John woke up and heard the conversation.

'Yeah, it's just no fun there.' Tyler joined Chris, 'I guess you're pretty disappointed in us.'

'Well.. yeah!' Peter responded.

'Dad, this is what me and Tyler really like to do.' Chris said as he and Tyler showed him their notepads.

'What, you want to draw?' Peter asked Chris.

'And I want to write.' Tyler said.

'Ah, geez, boys, why don't you just stick a knife in my heart?' Peter lamented in disappointment, which Tyler and Chris hung their heads in shame. He then noticed John giving him a stern look.

'I mean, uh, so you-you drew this?' Peter asked Chris trying to show that he's interested.

'Yeah..' Chris moped, 'I know, they suck.'

'Well, not all of them.' Peter assured Chris, 'You know, s-some of them look pretty good.'

'Really?' Chris asked.

'Yeah.' Peter replied.

'Hey, Tyler.' John asked Tyler, 'You mind if I take a look at what you wrote?'

'Sure.' Tyler said.

'Hey, hold on.' Peter insisted, 'I'd like to take a look, too.'

John and Peter were then reading the story Tyler had written so far.

'Wow, Tyler. This ain't half-bad.' John praised Tyler.

'Really? I- Wait.' Tyler said.

'What? What is it?' John asked.

'Yeah, you okay?' Peter asked.

I.. I'm starting to remember something.' Tyler claimed, 'Something from my past about who I am.'

Tyler just stood there for a couple of seconds trying to figure what he was so fond about writing, until..

'That's it!' Tyler exclaimed in excite.

'What's it?' John asked.

'Writing.' Tyler responded, 'I think it's part of who I was, before our amnesia. I was an aspiring writer. I finally remember it again.'

'Heh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent.' Peter acknowledged, 'Well, except for that one thing your mother does.'

'You mean play the piano?' Chris asked.

'No, no, she-' Peter was saying, but stopped realized it was too much, 'Yeah.'

'You know, I-I probably don't say this often enough.' Peter said to the boys, 'But, uh, I'm really proud of you, Chris.'

'Thanks, dad.' Chris replied.

'And I don't really say this often much, either, but, uh, I'm glad to have met you and John, Tyler.' Peter said to Tyler.

'Thanks, Mr. Griffin.' Tyler replied.

They all then came up to each other and formed a group hug.

(A/N: Sorry if I'm still making this stuff sappy for you guys. I just thought this would be a good idea.)

Peter took another look at Chris' sketchpad and still seemed bothered before going back to the hug.

And the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon

One of the trees started singing.

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Little boy blue and the man in the moon

Soon, all the trees joined in and started singing.

When you coming home, dad? I don't know when

Then, one of the trees brought out a lighter and then lit it.

But we'll get together then, son

You know we'll ha-

'Ah! AHH! OH, MY GOD!' One of the trees screamed as it caught on fire from the other tree's lighter, which then spread.

'Ah, geez, let's get outta here!' Peter said as he, Chris, John and Tyler ran away for their lives.

'RUN, YOU STUPID BASTARDS!' One of the trees yelled at them.

The next day at the casino, Lois was in front of one of the video poker machines, deciding to try it again. Peter, Chris, John and Tyler just then finally came back.

'Peter.' Lois exclaimed in joy while hiding the coin behind her back, 'John. Tyler. Chris. Oh, thank God. Are you okay?'

'..Ooowww..' was all Tyler could say at the moment.

'It was fantastic, Lois!' Peter told Lois, 'I saw my guiding spirit.'

'Whoa, whoa, wait a second!' The casino manager stepped in, 'You had a vision?'

'Oh, it was amazing!' Peter responded, 'I spoke to the trees. And I saw the Fonz-'

'Really?' Lois exclaimed in intrigue, 'What's the Fonz like? I bet he's stuck up.'

'Eh, a little.' Peter admitted, 'But thanks to him, me, Chris, John and Tyler have never been closer.'

'Oh, I want a spiritual vision, too!' The manager whined, 'Man! I guess we've lost touch with our noble roots. I mean, sure this casino's brought our tribe money and prosperity, but what is the price of our souls?'

'Uh, $6 million a week.' Frank answered.

'That sounds about right.' The manager agreed, 'You know what? Take your crappy car back.' He then tossed the Griffins the keys to their car, 'Come on, boys. Let's go hit the buffet.' the manager and the other men then left.

'Alright! We did it!' Peter cheered, 'Let's get the hell out of hell.'

But before they could leave.

'Stupid, greedy savages!' Stewie said.

'Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say.' Lois said to Stewie, 'This one particular tribe has lost their way, but most Native Americans are proud, hardworking people who are true to their spiritual heritage. They are certainly NOT savages.' The The More You Know logo then appeared above her, parodying the NBC program of the same name.

'Oh, that's funny, mother.' Stewie said to Lois, 'Just this morning, you said they were lazy like the dirty Mexicans.' Stewie then chuckled and faced the screen, 'Just kidding. The Mexicans are a cleann and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.' As with Lois, the same logo came up above Stewie, going further with the parody.

'Uhh, what's going on?' John asked in confusion at the situation.

'Maybe it's a different culture moment.' Tyler assumed, 'I don't know.'

'Yeah, and not like those dumb, gargantuan Swedes.' Meg acknowledged before turning to the audience, 'Actually, the Swedish people run a gamut from very short to tall. And did you know that Sweden gave us the brilliant inventor, Alfred Nobel?' Continuing further with the parody, the logo then appeared above Meg.

It then showed John and Tyler supposedly keeping the joke going, but were actually unprepared because they didn't realized they were part of it.

'Wait. Are we suppose to say something here?' John asked, 'Alright, uh, Tyler, what do you say to the audience?'

'Uh.. Oh, people who migrate from Canada are called frostbacks.' Tyler said hoping it would help.

However, all that could be heard were cricket chirps in the background.

'What?! It's true!' Tyler exclaimed, 'Racist, but true.'

Fortunately, the logo still came in as the jingle was heard, but it accidentally hit John at the back of his head. This got John angry as he snatched, broke it in half and threw it at the camera, knocking it over.

'THIS JOKE STINKS!' John shouted in rage as he stomped out of the scene.

(A/N: Don't worry, Canadian readers. It won't go like last time. You welcome.)

The End

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• Callaghan, Steve. 'The Son Also Draws'. Family Guy: The Official Episode Guide Seasons 1–3 . New York: HarperCollins, 2005. 34–37.

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• ► 2015 (348)
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  Peter Griffin; Mathematician and Expert on Blackjack

  November 03, 1998 |MYRNA OLIVER | TIMES STAFF WRITER

  Peter Griffin, an algebra teacher who became an expert on the mathematics of blackjack and wrote popular advice books on calculating the odds, has died. He was 61.

  Griffin, who rarely gambled, died Oct. 18 in Sacramento of prostate cancer.

  A professor of mathematics at Cal State Sacramento, Griffin wrote 'The Theory of Blackjack' in 1979 and a sequel, 'Extra Stuff: Gambling Ramblings' in 1991, outlining all conceivable possibilities in the card game.

  His work expanded on that of Edward O. Thorp, who had written 'Beat the Dealer' in 1962, which sold about 700,000 copies. Griffin's books sold less than 10% of that amount.

  Nevertheless, his advice--and candid humor--was so appreciated that he became a cult figure to gamblers and was a sought-after speaker for conferences around the world.

  'As a second career, it has led me to a lot of interesting people and places,' he told The Times with a laugh in 1995. 'Without it, who knows what kind of embittered old professor of algebra I'd be.'

  Griffin also had considerable mathematical skills. He always claimed he wrote his books for 'revenge' on Nevada casinos. He had lost a bundle there when he played blackjack in preparation for teaching a proposed course on the mathematics of gambling.

  Known as 'card counting,' Griffin's method involves keeping a mathematical picture of the card deck composition in one's head during the game. Despite his counting skills in keeping six separate running tallies in his head, Griffin never developed a taste for gambling.

  Once in a 5,000-hand test of his playing efficiency--that is, how close he came to the maximum win attainable from perfect knowledge of the deck's composition after each hand--Griffin scored an impressive 82%.

  'Probably there are people who could do better, maybe even as high as 90%,' he told The Times. 'But that would have to be someone with nothing else on his mind--I mean, like an idiot savant. But I've long since disabused myself of the notion that I could win a fortune at the game.'

  Anthony Curtis, Griffin's publisher, said a sixth edition of 'The Theory of Blackjack' is due out next month.

  Born in New Jersey in a long line of mathematicians, Griffin grew up in Williamsport, Pa., Chicago and Portland, Ore., and earned his degrees at Portland State University and UC Davis.

  He is survived by his wife, Lydia, of Sacramento; and brother, Alan, and sister, Barbara Dunn, both of Salem, Ore.

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  A page for describing Recap: Family Guy S 1 E 6 The Son Also Draws. . stop at an Indian casino — and Lois' addiction to video poker costs the family their car.Play online casino game Family Guy and claim your casino welcome bonus when you sign up to Unibet today. Contribute to This PageRelated Rating and StatsAre you sure?Tag Archives: Gold Roulette

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  This is a re-upload from my other channel.I noticed there are stereotype compilations for Family Guy on YouTube, but none about Natives so here you are.

  Links

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  Black Jack

  Sharon Stone was angered after seeing famous Basic Instinct scene for the first time

  Actress SHARON STONE was left stunned when she watched her provocative leg-crossing scene in BASIC INSTINCT for the first time with a theatre full of people.

  PUBLISHED: 09:20, Tue, Jan 7, 2014 0

  The Casino star was initially reluctant to remove her underwear for the famous scene , but director Paul Verhoeven assured her that nothing would be seen.

  However, when she watched the movie in the theatre, the actress was angered by how much was exposed.

  She says, 'When we did it, it was going to be an innuendo and the director said, 'We're seeing the white of your underwear, I need you to take them off.' And I'm like, 'I don't want you to see anything and he's like, 'No, no you're not going to.' So I gave him the underwear, put them in the pocket of his shirt, and he said, 'Now watch on the monitor..'

  'In those days.. it's not like now where everything is high definition, and when I looked at the monitor you really couldn't see anything.'

  'So when I saw it in the theatre, with a bunch of other people, I was like (in shock). When the film ended I went in the booth and I slapped him (Verhoeven) and I said, 'You could have showed me this to me by myself'.'

  Despite her anger, Stone admits she would have kept the scene in the movie if she was the director.

  She continues, 'It's so right for the movie and so right for the character but if I would have gotten that (perfect shot), even by accident, I would have had the courtesy to show it to my actor. But, I would have kept it in the movie.'

  Sharon Stone's sexiest pictures

  Wed, July 26, 2017

  Peter Griffin

  The late Peter A. Griffin (1937-1998) was an amazing man with an exceptional talent for mathematics. His prominent skills lead him to a life as a phenomenal blackjack player in which he authored one of the most profound strategy guides of the last century, but that never detracted from his passion for teaching the skill he loved so much. Griffin’s accomplishments resulted in his worthy induction to the Blackjack Hall of Fame in its debut year, 2002.

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  Development[ edit ]

  Pileggi contacted Scorsese about taking the lead of the project, which became known as Casino. [5] Scorsese expressed interest, calling this an 'idea of success, no limits.' [9] Pileggi was keen to release the book and then concentrate on a film adaptation, but Scorsese encouraged him to 'reverse the order.' [10]

  Scorsese and Pileggi collaborated on the script for five months, towards the end of 1994. [6] Real-life characters were reshaped, such as Frank 'Lefty' Rosenthal, Geri, Anthony Spilotro, and Spilotro's brother. Some characters were combined, and parts of the story were set in Kansas City instead of Chicago. A problem emerged when they were forced to refer to Chicago as 'back home' and use the words 'adapted from a true story' instead of 'based on a true story.' [9] They also decided to simplify the script, so that the character of Sam 'Ace' Rothstein only worked at the Tangiers Casino, in order to show a glimpse of the trials involved in operating a Mafia-run casino hotel without overwhelming the audience. [9] According to Scorsese, the initial opening sequence was to feature the main character, Sam Rothstein, fighting with his estranged wife Ginger on the lawn of their house. The scene was too detailed, so they changed the sequence to show the explosion of Sam's car and him flying into the air before hovering over the flames in slow motion—like a soul about to go straight down to hell . [9]

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    Box office[ edit ]

    The film grossed million in North America and 6 million worldwide [2] on a –50 million budget. [1]

    Griffin Pursues the Mathematics of Gambling

    In 1965, Griffin accepted the role of Professor of Mathematics at California State University, Sacramento, where he taught various skills such as calculous, differential equations and statistics. It was during his early tenure with Sac State that he became infatuated with the game of blackjack, and the wide range of game theories it encompassed.

    In 1970, at the age of 33, Peter proposed to teach a new course to his students; one that dealt with the mathematics of gambling. In researching for the new lecture, he made his way to Nevada, where he failed miserably at applying what he thought would be excellent game theory.

    Interestingly enough, fellow Blackjack Hall of Famer and author of Beat the Dealer (1962), Edward Thorp , had the exact same disastrous experience in Las Vegas when he first began researching his profound studies on card counting.

    After that unproductive episode, Griffin intensified his investigation into blackjack by compiling immense amounts of statistical data on random players throughout Atlantic City casinos. He compared that data to the same type of research he was doing on players in Las Vegas and Reno. The end result was remarkable.

    Griffin was able to come up with the very first calculations of percentage disadvantage for the “average” player (i.e. the house edge). Based on the rules of the game and the average player’s understanding of how to play and win at blackjack, he determined that casinos had a 2% advantage over their patrons. Griffin then began calculating the win/loss percentage based on the use of various blackjack strategies.

    It wasn’t long before Griffin had become immensely successful at the blackjack tables, efficaciously incorporating card counting and other recently published strategic advancements into his game. In 1979, his complied research and success on the felt resulted in the publication of his first book, ‘ Theory of Blackjack: The Complete Card Counter’s Guide to the Casino Game of 21 ’, which has since been considered one of the most productive manuscripts the gambling world has ever known.

    Griffin would go on to print a plethora of magazine articles and papers dealing with game theory, percentage dis/advantages, statistics and more abstract concepts like rebates on losses and proportional betting. A collection of those materials were combined into his second and final book on the subject of blackjack, entitled, ‘ Extra Stuff: Gambling Ramblings ’, in 1991.

    It’s been said that Peter’s incredible capacity for mathematics was able to astound even the most avid of card counters. He demonstrated his abilities by exhibiting an incredible aptitude to keep track of 6 rolling counts at once, as opposed to the more common, singular high-low tally that most strategic blackjack players incorporate.

    Despite his incredibly adept ability to win at the game of blackjack, Peter Griffin never had any desire to pursue a professional career at the blackjack tables. Not only did he find the game entirely too boring to play for extended periods of time—the primary reason why he never earned a fortune in his pursuit of knowledge—to play full-time would take away from his true passion, which had always been to teach the intricacies of mathematics to young and fertile minds.

    Griffin maintained his teaching position at the University of California, Sacramento for 33 years, right up until his death.